Mixed Metaphors

Note: The following post is fourth in a series of imaginary conversations with my next girlfriend.

Dear Next Girlfriend,

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.”  — Lucille Ball.

Who would have thought that Lucille Ball, comedienne and star of I Love Lucy, could express in a few simple words what I finally learned to practice after a decade in therapy?  Yes, it’s that time of year again, love is in the air and chocolatiers, florists, restaurants and the folks at Hallmark are busy trying to get into our pockets, and not to be too crude, but for those of you out there in a relationship, your “special someone” is  trying to get into your pants. Next girlfriend, I was hoping to be included in that group. Oh well, I’m going to practice patience while I wait for you and continue to enjoy and celebrate my single life, and today, acknowledge all the love I’m grateful to both give and receive.

I must admit I’m a hopeful romantic at heart. When I’m in a relationship I write poetry for my loved one, plan elaborate dates, and enjoy finding, wrapping and giving the perfect, personal gift. In the past, I’ve designed my own Valentine cards and drafted Isthmus Valentine’s. For those of you unfamiliar with it, Isthmus, Madison, Wisconsin’s, weekly alternative newspaper publishes The Book of Love, a collection of Valentine messages and photos.

When I’m single, I still enjoy the holiday. I’ve been lucky too in that friends and family have been generous in reminding me how much I’m loved. One year after a breakup, my friend, Rhonda sent me a bouquet of miniature lavender roses with the message, “That’s what friends are for.” I know people who are both in a relationship and those who are not, who are jaded or in the very least, irritated by what’s often referred to as a Hallmark holiday.

I find the history of the holiday interesting, its roots in a Roman fertility festival, then a religious one, first honoring martyrs, then St. Valentine, who becomes associated with love and romance. In the 1600s Valentine messages are first exchanged. Most of us have memories from childhood of decorating shoe boxes, cutting a slot in the top with our safety scissors, and carrying it to school with our die cut Valentine’s to exchange with our classmates and teacher. Every package of children’s Valentine’s included one for our teacher and one for a “special someone.”

 

 

 

 

 

We would also make a Valentine for our parents, using those safety scissors again, folding a piece of paper in half, sometimes paper lace, learn to cut a half heart that when unfolded becomes a whole heart. Looking back, it’s a simple and beautiful metaphor for love.

Though romantic love is the focus of this holiday, it’s a good reminder for me of the four kinds of love Greek philosophers identified:

• Agape – a selfless, unconditional love, expecting nothing in return, a spiritual love.
• Eros – romantic, physical, intimate, passionate love.
• Philia –affection, give and take, between friends, family and community.
• Storge – natural affection most commonly felt by parents for offspring.

Next girlfriend, after my last relationship ended I wrote a Valentine to My Unknown Lover and sent it in to Isthmus where it was published and read by many people including my friend Julie, who at an event for LGBTQ women, W4W’s All Things RE[A]D, arrived late after I read my poem. When the sharing circle reached her, she unfolded the clipping of the poem and read it, stating that she felt like it spoke directly to her. We are now close, affectionate friends and celebrate our anniversary each year at this time. I have my own Isthmus clipping saved in a little metal gift box to be given to you next girlfriend when we meet.

This year I have my Valentine’s Day all set. My sister Tami and her husband Ron were married on Valentine’s Day at our State Capitol and plan to celebrate their anniversary in a hotel, just the two of them. I’m lucky in that I have a Valentine’s date with two of my favorite people in the world, their children, my nephew, Quinn and niece, Gemma.  We’re going to have pizza for dinner, maybe even a heart-shaped one, followed by a movie and slumber party. In the morning, like lovers of many different kinds, we’ll go out for breakfast.

Dear next girlfriend, as I mentioned at the beginning of this conversation, I’m a hopeful romantic and next year I’ll be ready to celebrate with you. I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day and you’re able to both see and acknowledge the love you have in your life today. And, in the words of Lucille Ball, remember, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.”

 

Note: This is Episode 4 of the series, Conversations with My Next Girlfriend, imaginary conversations with the new girlfriend I haven’t met yet, replacing the one-sided talks that I was having with my ex in my head. 

To read the entire 10-episode series of Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend:

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 1

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 2

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 3

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 5

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 6

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 7

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 8

Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend: Episode 9

Conversations w/my Next Girlfriend: Episode 10