Mixed Metaphors

How friends, family and food feed the spirit.

Life has a way of unfolding in waves. Some days the lake is calm, other days, treacherous. What’s required is an ability to navigate confidently and to be even-keeled when called upon. Sometimes we require a crew, shipmates who can prevent us from capsizing.

The last few weeks have been particularly challenging for me on a couple fronts, relationships and work. In the past, I thought I needed to solve all my problems on my own. In fact, in group therapy years ago I would encounter a problem, work on it by myself, and finally report to the group how I solved it like a good student. The therapist reminded me that the purpose of group therapy and peer support is to reach out to others when I first had the problem and ask for help.  As a result, I’ve learned that it’s not necessary to go it alone. As a person in recovery, I’ve relied on others who’ve walked similar paths as we support each other on our journeys.

In the past I sometimes became isolated in romantic relationships and neglected my friendships and family.

I’ve learned how important it is to maintain intimate connections with a large number of trusted people in different areas of my life. It’s a safety net, a soft place to land, a shoulder to cry on, and a shelter in a storm. I offer the same to others, because every good relationship is reciprocal.  

We find support and comfort in many places. It’s no coincidence that some foods are described as comfort foods.  We recreate experiences that are associated with pleasant memories, such as sharing a meal consisting of comfort foods with friends or family. Our spirits are fed along with our bodies. Many rituals, including religious traditions and holidays have food at the center of the tables where we gather.  We comfort the less fortunate and at-risk by feeding them in schools, churches, community centers, and food pantries. It is our responsibility as a community to share abundance.

It’s a common activity to get together with friends and family for picnics, potlucks, brunch or coffee dates, drinks and appetizers after work. We invite friends for dinner, share a meal on a date and offer gifts of food to new neighbors, or at times of loss, and as a thank you. We bring cookies and donuts to work for coffee break, and we share our recipes when asked. Comfort comes in many flavors and forms.

The comfort of sourdough pancakes

Yesterday I had breakfast with my friend Leanne in Stoughton, Wisconsin. Leanne is famous for her sourdough pancakes. It’s a family recipe. Sourdough begins with a ‘starter,’ and so does a good friendship. With family and friends we share stories and experiences that become the foundation of our relationship, the ‘starter.’ When we reach out to each other, we have that frame of reference, the shared history to inform our conversation. We share intimacy, which has been described as the process of “into-me-see.”

Leanne & Linda having a serious discussion at Camp Bingo, a fundraiser for the Aids Support Network, Madison, WI. Photo Credit: Eric Baillies (http://ebaillies.com/) for Our Lives magazine.

My breakfast with Leanne was three and half hours long. In the time that we shared a meal, we nurtured our friendship by staying current with each others’ lives. When Leanne asked me how I was doing, I was able to open my heart, be vulnerable, and detail the issues facing me. She listened, affirmed my feelings, offered support, and hugged me.  First, I had been comforted by her sourdough pancakes and second by her touch, love and affection. I was grateful too to go home with three plate-sized sourdough pancakes, because at Leanne’s there’s an abundance of comfort.

To read more about the comfort of food, family and friends:

Comfort Food: Winter Blues, Holidays, & Weight Gain

Good Morning

The Orphan Holidays

Thanksgiving: Things Change

Poop Eggs and Lamb Cakes