“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.” — Anonymous
It’s time to say good-bye to 2016. As a recovering person, the Serenity Prayer has been playing an endless loop in my mind; it’s my leitmotif for 2016. It’s reminded me —again and again — that there are many things happening in my world — and the larger world we share — that are outside of my control. In an effort to address them I’ve created this new Mixed Metaphors, Oh My! series, The Toilet Zone.
The gift of metaphors is that they help me visualize as well as employ my other senses when I write. What better symbol for letting go in our material world than the toilet and the disposal of waste, the things we no longer need? One of the first lessons we learn as toddlers is how and what to let go of and how and what to hold onto. It’s a difficult lesson whether it’s food, toys (or material things), people, beliefs, and emotions.
Since we’re nearing the end of the year, this essay will serve as my Big Dump of 2016. Next up, before the end of the year, or the beginning of the New Year, I’ll address the lessons I’ve learned and the things, people, and ideas I will hold onto and embrace. As I attempt to regain some serenity by the eve of the New Year, I will practice the following. Grant me the serenity…
Acceptance
For me this year, the first, and most important person I had to let go of was my mother who died ten days after my birthday in January. I don’t need to let her go completely — and I wouldn’t want to — however I want to let go of the need to hold onto her in life.
I’ve had to reframe my thinking and tune my heart to understand that our relationships with loved ones don’t end when they leave us. I’ve practiced that with intimate relationships and friendships that have ended or changed.
She remains a presence in my life, from the cells and DNA in my body that she gave me, to the unconditional love that continues to nurture and reside in my spirit. Of course, I don’t want to flush anything related to my mother other than the denial, anger, regret, or the magical thinking that I could have done something to prevent her death, or what more I could have told her before she died.
The Serenity Prayer embroidered by mother and displayed at her funeral service.
The most difficult event for me to accept this year— after my mother’s death — is the election of Donald Trump as POTUS, made official today by the Electoral College, and everything that it reflects about our American character today, and how it will most likely affect our future.
No caption needed.
As many essayists and political commentators have already addressed, it’s a reflection of our dissatisfaction with the gridlock in Washington and our desire for change. Yet what have we wrought? I do say we in this context by design, since it was not just the electorate that voted for Trump and put both him and his minions in power.
It was the media competing for ratings while abandoning the fundamentals of journalism, fake news and clickbait websites on social media, the Democrats’ failed campaign strategies, the lack of tactical muscle when we needed it, party infighting with Wasserman and Sanders, Bernie Bros and the misogyny directed at HRC, fear-mongering about immigrants, Muslims, and people not white, not male, Putin, the Russians, and their cyber attacks and its impact on the elections, Breitbart and the Alt-Right, WikiLeaks, Comey and the FBI, Anthony Wiener and his sexting scandal, Hillary’s email servers, the cost of healthcare, the concentration of wealth in the coffers of the 1%, the ramifications of Citizens United and special interests like the Koch brothers, voter suppression, Republican gerrymandering and hijinks at the polls, the disdain for the Clintons, the racism Trump, the Republicans, and their supporters directed at the Obama family and presidency —and on and on — and on. We can all add to the list.
I need to learn the lessons, to accept the things I cannot change and let go — flush!
A byproduct of the state of our country and the world is gun violence, terrorism, the crisis in Aleppo, racism and xenophobia, murders of innocent black men and women and police officers, addiction and the related crime it creates, homelessness, poverty, unemployment and underemployment, the lack of healthcare and social services for those who need it most, hunger, and the decimation of our educational system, the high cost of higher education and the debt it creates at a time when we need to strengthen our skills, retrain a workforce, and prepare for the future.
I need to not look away, instead recognize the state of the world, and not slip into denial. I will let go of the belief that I can’t do anything about it, that I’m powerless — flush!
Courage
I wish I could say I was a courageous person, but at heart I’m not. I’m fearful, sometimes anxious, and instinctively motivated to protect myself from danger and pain. I am however vigilant and anticipate possible scenarios and outcomes. You could say I was cunning, so any risks I take are calculated and I measure the benefit versus risk. I’m resilient and quick to bounce back. I don’t spend a lot of time on the pity pot. To employ another slogan from 12-step programs, I take what I need and leave the rest. In the case of 2016, I’ll let it go — flush!
Though I’m not courageous, I am a natural leader. I can easily find my voice, in fact sometimes my mouth works faster than my brain or good judgment, yet I’m persuasive. I can be impatient with indecision and what I sometimes experience as unnecessary or unproductive processing. I want to take action. I want to move forward.
As I’ve written before, I believe the personal is political and it’s been reconfirmed this past year that the political is personal. For that reason, in concert with others, I’ll tap into the power of the people and hold onto the belief that we shall overcome. Yes, as activists we’ll need to return to and employ the fundamentals of social change and protest, grass-roots organizing, and civil disobedience when necessary. If nothing else invoke our constitutional rights of freedom of assembly and freedom of speech and find the courage to change the things we can.
Wisdom
I’ve lived long enough to learn what goes around comes around. Karma can be our ally or our enemy. I’ve also been on this planet for enough decades to know that everything old is new again. The difference is if we’re paying close attention to what has preceded us, we can learn from the past and make decisions that will serve us rather than hurt us. We can fight the good fight. We are not powerless if we are granted the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference — we will prevail.
The Last Word (and images): F*ck 2016
The Final Last Word (Thank you Pat Calchina for posting this quote from Howard Zinn, a hopeful message):
“To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history, is a history not only of cruelty but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness… If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places — and there are so many — where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction… The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
To read the rest of The Toilet Zone commentary series: (Note: The series installments below are from oldest to most recent)
The Toilet Zone: A Government of Men
Such a thoughtful piece, Linda. Thank you.
Thank you for the reminder of the personal importance of the Serenity prayer. AND, I cannot flush fast enough.
Another best of the best! Any metaphor that uses a toilet has my votes, all three of them. Happy holidays! Lewis.