Or Why I Refuse to Wear an Ugly Christmas Sweater
This year my bio family is deviating from our Christmas holiday tradition and venue. We’ve spent Christmas at Dad’s house, our childhood home, the past few years since our brother Rick ended his Saturday before Christmas Lenzke Family Open House, which was a marathon undertaking of beverage drinking, food grazing, and gift unwrapping by four generations. Some family members stayed overnight for the “afterparty.” Like most families, we have family scattered around Wisconsin and in other states — in our case — Nevada, Colorado, Kentucky, and most recently, Texas. It’s become more of a challenge to celebrate the holiday together.
My niece Casey and her partner Ben, plus their blended family of six kids, three of Casey’s, one of Ben’s, and two of theirs together, are traveling from Kentucky to join us this year. We’re thrilled that we’ll have a Christmas celebration with a bunch of kids. The venue is changing too to my sister Kelly and Bill’s home, Casey’s mother. Casey suggested a theme too this year. Let’s have an Ugly Christmas Sweater Holiday! My reaction, to quote Ren and Stimpy, “Happy Happy, Joy Joy!”
The family was all in — except me. Some of my family members are creative DIY makers. 
The Ugly Christmas Sweater will be a DIY maker’s dream competitive event. Casey likes to dress her kids in holiday and family-themed shirts and costumes, then stage photos and videos to post on social media. Her mother, my sister Kelly, in addition to other creative talents, is a personal shopper. My niece Jennifer makes her own line of greeting cards, and her spouse Becky made Jennifer an advent calendar this year with craft beers. Sister Tami, a jewelry-maker of Bohemian Bauble fame, has taken family photos for their Christmas cards in the past, wearing matching pajamas and big wax red lips (this factored into her divorce from her first husband Pat, aka, “Poor Pat”). Like Pat, who didn’t want to take his photo with big red wax lips, I don’t want to wear an Ugly Christmas Sweater! This decision began my Grinchy Christmas.
Becky’s Craft Beer Advent Calendar
History of the Ugly Christmas Sweater
First, what is an Ugly Christmas Sweater? Most people agree on the following definition. “An ugly Christmas sweater is any sweater with a Christmas theme that is considered in bad taste, tacky, or gaudy.” Like many regrettable fashion trends, ugly holiday sweaters were popularized beginning in the 80’s and continued to gain popularity in the 90’s. From a Time Magazine article from December 2011, A Brief History of the Ugly Christmas Sweater:
“Though the sweater as a garment has existed in the U.S. since the late 19th century, hideous holiday versions only began to sprout up in the last several decades. Bill Cosby was a modern-day pioneer of the trend and is revered as an ugly sweater icon. As Cliff Huxtable on his eponymous ‘80s sitcom, the family man’s uniform of choice was a wooly pullover with questionable color mixing and patterns. Thanks to Cosby, as well as Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, these sweaters experienced a resurgence until their popularity faded as the ‘90s began.”
Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties
A younger generation adopted the Ugly Christmas Sweater as a party theme. From an article in ThoughtCo:
“According to Time Magazine, there has been a noticeable revival of ugly Christmas sweater themed parties where they make fun of their parents who loved the festive looks and had thought that the sweaters were cute.”
“In fact, the city of Vancouver claims to be the birthplace of the first ugly sweater party in 2002. Every year, The Original Ugly Christmas Sweater party is held at the Commodore Ballroom where the dress code ensures an ugly sweater affair. Chris Boyd and Jordan Birch, the co-founders of the Commodore’s annual ugly sweater party, have even trademarked the word phrase “ugly Christmas sweater” and “ugly Christmas sweater party.” The party is a benefit, raising money in support of the Make A Wish Foundation of Canada, which grant wishes for children with life-threatening illnesses.”
How to Buy or Make an Ugly Christmas Sweater
For those who need some tips on how to plan an ugly sweater-themed party you can purchase a party-planning book, Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Book. If you’re shopping for an ugly Christmas sweater, you can visit resale stores and if you’re lucky, purchase an authentic vintage 80’s or 90’s sweater that someone’s grandmother or mother wore.
Most online retailers offer a wide array of sweaters featuring traditional and nontraditional holiday symbols and taglines, including cats, Santa, some sweaters embellished with ornaments and lights, this year even a Grinch sweater popularized by the Disney animated film in theaters this holiday.
There are also sweaters for adult audiences only whose messages or images are not suitable for family gatherings with children. An example this year is the Reindeer nose sweater. Both men and women are jumping in on this trend and there are how-to-videos to make your own.
Continuing with the adult theme and for those hosting an adults-only Ugly Christmas 
Sweater Party and looking for a film to watch, this year you can download the Ugly Sweater Party, part comedy, chainsaw slasher movie, sex romp — you get the picture.
In an effort to be open-minded and consider purchasing or making an Ugly Christmas Sweater for the family holiday, I watched this tutorial, DIY: Ugly Christmas Sweater Tutorial. It required multiple trips to the Dollar Store and Target, competency with a glue gun, felting skills, and more. If you’re interested you too can make a holiday sweater including Christmas lights, watch the video.
Once you find or make your sweater, you can wear it on National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day, which is celebrated on the third Friday of December each year. This year it falls on Friday, December 21st.
Top Ten Reasons I Won’t Wear an Ugly Christmas Sweater
Having researched Ugly Christmas Sweaters, including searching online for the right theme, graphics, size and price of a sweater I would consider wearing, I didn’t find anything that appealed to me even though I considered snarky messages and tacky images. I also explored making my own, and was reminded that my talents lie elseware. When I attend my family Christmas, I will do my best to celebrate in the spirit of the season and not “rain on anyone’s parade” or make fun of their fashion choice. Mixing metaphors, I promise I will not be too Grinchy or a party-pooper. In an effort to encourage world peace and family understanding, I share the following:
Top 10 Reasons I Won’t Wear an Ugly Christmas Sweater
10. I inherited the family stubborn gene.
9. I have control issues.
8. I’m the eldest child and accustomed to getting my own way.
7. I follow the beat of a different drummer.
6. I’m old enough to be stuck in my ways (when I choose to be).
5. I don’t believe in Santa Claus.
4. I’m an agnostic.
3. I’m a Capricorn, and don’t want to spend money on something I wear only once a year.
2. I’m plus-sized and don’t want to look ridiculous.
1. My wardrobe color choices are limited to black, white, and gray.
Happy Holidays, however you celebrate them, or not, and whatever you choose to wear, or not (a hat tip to an anonymous family member who celebrates a naked Christmas Day in the privacy of their own home!).
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Postscript dateline 12-23-2018
The Ugly Christmas Sweater Party 2018. Missing this Grinch (I already left to return home to Madison), the photographer, and a missing father and son, the youngest member of our extended family.
At least in this photo, I was the unofficial winner of the Ugly Christmas Sweater contest for my “unChristmasy” black velvet sweater. My sisters are in disguise. Tami Reschke on the left and Kelly Zickus on the right.
Brilliant as usual!! Lewis