“Yesterday is but today’s memory, and tomorrow is today’s dream.” — Khalil Gibran
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi
The flip side of the question that the title poses is “Who knows where the times goes?” As I age, time seems to slip by faster. An event that happened a month ago feels like it occurred last week. My to-do lists each day grow longer, as if I need to accomplish as much as I’m able to before time runs out. Dreams and plans for tomorrow are aspirational and possess greater value because they may elude me. In the end, there is no guarantee for tomorrow.
There is only today and a lifetime of yesterdays.
At the end of each year, like many others on the eve of the New Year, I take a look back at the highlights and lowlights — the gains and the losses — the hellos and goodbyes. Don’t worry, this is not a Christmas or Holiday Letter where I recap the events of the past year. I reserve that exercise for my journals, social media, and the topics of blog posts. Most of my friends and family concur that I overshare. I consider myself an open book, and like a book you can read it if you choose, highlight content you want to preserve, bookmark or dogear pages, pass it on to friends, or simply shelve it.
For me, this is a time to reflect, assess, recalibrate, and address the moles in my life that keep popping up, the unfinished business, amends yet to be made, the dreams to be fulfilled, and the legacy I wish to leave behind. It’s a mishmash of past, present, and future. I ask the question, “What will be the footprint that remains when I’m gone?”
Looking Backward
The past year has been an exploration of dualities. I’ve had to face my shadow while I stepped into the light. I’m required to learn from my past journey to forge a new path to the future. I was compelled to face my fears before I could emerge from my comfort zone. I needed to become a student rather than a mentor to succeed in new pursuits. Lastly, I’m being asked to let go before I can hold on. Deep healing breaths.
I reread essays and journal entries from previous years to remind myself of what I’ve learned. Here are some highlights:
I know that in the scheme and scope of things, I’m lucky. I have family and friends who love me, a job that helps pay my bills and employs my skills, a home that shelters and protects me, food in my kitchen, my health, and a belief in a power greater than myself, which I can’t define in words, but know deep in my spirit that I’m buoyed when I have a dark night of the soul.
Though I’ve experienced loss in my life and know that there’s more ahead for me between the dusk and dawn of a new day, I have shoulders to lean on.
One of the gifts of loss and mourning is learning who the people are in your life who love and support you — and show up. Some show up in person, others find the right words at the right time, some people know the importance of being silent and the comfort of a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
What’s important to me, what I’ve learned from the experience, is that I have agency, the ability to choose and make decisions, not always about what happened, but how to respond. Wisdom is an interesting phenomenon, it’s the cumulative experience of a life lived, mistakes, regrets, and lessons learned, gratitude for the good stuff, for people, and love, and for making a difference in the lives of others.
Memories of loved ones, both here and gone, shared experiences, both joyful and not, and accomplishments and failures, inform the present and help me chart a course for the future. They are the rearview mirror of where I’ve been, and by the process of understanding and making sense of them, I can create the roadmap to where I’m going.
Today
It’s the eve of the New Year. I woke up early this morning before 3:00 a.m. When I tried to return to sleep my mind was racing. I started making a list of to-do’s in my head, which soon evolved into a tangled mass of worries, then fears of the future. I began asking myself questions. “Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Am I prepared for another loss of a loved one? Who knows where the time goes?
I’m reminded of the tools I learned in recovery. The Serenity Prayer is both a tool and a gift of solace in moments like these.
“God, grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change;
change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
Looking Forward
The lesson which I learned in the past, sometimes forgotten in the moment, and been reminded of when needed, is simply be in the moment, be present. Be a human being, not a human doing. Breathe, deep healing breaths.
We can’t know what tomorrow may bring, however we’re able to practice how we lived intuitively as children. Be in the moment. Be curious. Be full of awe and wonder. Be present. Be in our body. Play, cry, eat, laugh, and rest. Be kind to others and ourselves. Love wholeheartedly. “Learn as if you were to live forever.”
Happy New Year readers, family, and friends! I’m grateful that you’re on this path and journey with me.
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Finding the Light in Dark Times
I find, for what it’s worth, at age 76, that worrying is a waste of time. I have little or NO control over most of what life deals me, so why worry about things unless they actually occur? And, even then, take it slow and easy.
Lewis, I agree that worrying is, for the most part, a waste of time and I aspire to your lead and hope that one day I can let go of unproductive worry. I find though a lesson I’ve learned from worry, fear, and anxiety, is that I need to pay attention to what I resist or fear. It’s often an opportunity for growth.
Well put. I wish you well in this new year, whatever it brings. It’s almost time for the Wisconsin Film Festival, and it will bring no worries, I trust!!