Mixed Metaphors

Sober Bars, Emotional Labor, and Salad Frosting

“So much of life, it seems to me, is determined by pure randomness.” — Sidney Poitier

“Creativity is the ability to introduce order into the randomness of nature.” — Eric Hoffer

From the introduction of the first in the series of Random Topics:

“As a blogger, I mine my daily life for topics to write about. I set out to find something timely and meaningful, something that my readers can relate to, a universal message or lesson to discover in my lived experience. Another option is to choose a subject from the news of the day to comment on, however sometimes current events are tragically overwhelming.”

“I’m often left to choose from the mundane or subjects that pique my curiosity. When this happens, the only common theme is the randomness of my choices. Today, I offer three random topics with absolutely no connection or relation to each other at least that I’m aware of at the outset of this essay. Perhaps as I write, I may discover the subtle relationships that bind them together. Life is like that.”

Today, social media and the internet offer a smorgasbord of options for casual reading while one enjoys a Cup of Joe or breakfast in the morning, or a lunch break at work. For those of us of a certain age, reading cereal boxes as children, later comics and teen magazines as young adolescents (R.I.P. Mad Magazine), then eventually graduating to newspapers, was how we accessed news and kept up-to-date on cultural trends, entertainment, and fashion. As a writer and storyteller, the first step when I sample content online is to follow my curiosity to see where it leads me, then weave together the random stories, distill them, creating a commentary on the world we live in.

Earlier today, my reminiscence-writing instructor, Sarah White, posted this quote on her Facebook feed. It is both perfectly timed and on point. From Susan Orlean, “For me, writing is really just about things that interest me, then trying to convince you to find them as interesting as I do.”

Here’s a graphic depiction of my storytelling style. I apologize in advance if I ramble and I hope it will all make sense in the end.

Sober Bars

Defintion: “Sober bars give people in recovery a place to hang out without putting their sobriety at risk. ‘Mocktail’ is a term that people who don’t drink alcohol may be familiar with. These non-alcoholic drinks are being served across the U.S., as abstinence and moderation gain popularity.”

My Back Pages

First, some highlights (or lowlights) of my backstory for those of you who may be visiting my blog for the first time. I’m a recovering alcoholic. Gratefully, I’ve spent more time not drinking then I have imbibing in beverages that created problematic behavior for me. I’ve been sober now for over 30+ years. I personally believe we’re each given an allotment of healthy drinking. I exceeded mine by the age of 36.

I was born in Wisconsin which has a long history of drinking alcohol, especially beer, which our German ancestors proudly brewed. In my working-class hometown of Racine, there seemed to be a bar on every corner, which served as gathering places for men and women to “hoist a few.”  Bars became important destinations to socialize, relax, grab a drink or two (or more) and a bite to eat, including Friday Fish Frys and other culinary traditions.

As a lesbian who came out in the late 1970’s, gay bars and LGBTQ-owned restaurants were safe havens and gathering places where people could recreate, drink, dance, meet potential mates, and yes, often hook up. Evidence of this was the Stonewall Inn uprising 50 years ago when our LGBTQ community fought back when the bar was raided (again) by police and it became a tipping point. This incident is often credited for launching the gay rights movement. Today, as I write we celebrate WorldPride NYC Stonewall 50. 

I spent many wonderful hours at Lysistrata, a Feminist Restaurant Cooperative, in Madison, Wisconsin in the late 1970s and early 1980s until a fire destroyed the building it was housed in. Lysistrata was a hub for local politicos, feminist men and women, and LGBTQ community. It featured “womyn’s dances” on Thursday night and dancing throughout the weekend.  The restaurant and bar included a small meeting and banquet room and hosted art shows, plus live music, poetry, business meetings, and workshops.

Years later, another Madison LGBTQA complex, The Hotel Washington sadly burned down. The building had housed a men’s basement bar, Rod’s, The Barber’s Closet, a beautifully restored bar that often featured comedy and jazz, The Barber’s Closet Hair Salon, The New Bar, a disco destination for dancing, and The Club de Wash, a venue where a diverse clientele would gather for music of all kinds, and lastly, Café Palms, a restaurant that was the perfect date night or post-bar place to grab a bite to eat.  The cause of the fire, a discarded cigarette in a trash can.

When I got sober, AA and Al-Anon Clubhouses and meetings temporarily filled the gap that the bars provided. There was always an unlimited supply of coffee, often weak, bitter, or generally just bad, however the fellowship of a recovery community, 12-Step meetings, and the tools of the program were the draw and made up for the coffee.

For a while we were fortunate in Madison to have a women’s community performance space, Apple Island, founded by a friend, Lois Stauber. There were alcohol-free dances, music, and comedy performances. The space could be reserved for classes, meetings, and special events. Another friend’s business, Dessert Hearts, offered baked goods, ice cream treats, and later liquid refreshments included power smoothies and healthy non-alcoholic drinks, and yes, coffee.

From Taverns, Brew-Pubs and Coffeehouses to Sober Bars

In the last couple of decades coffeehouses have made a resurgence with small batch roasters and independently-owned local cafes as alternatives to Starbucks, Peet’s, and Dunkin’ Donuts and featured coffee, tea, specialty sodas, WIFI, and light snacks and meals both sweet and savory.

Coffeehouses function as alternatives to bars and brew pubs, a place to meet friends, conduct meetings, or create one’s own coworking space with laptop and Smartphones in hand. They sometimes feature open mics for poetry and music, and some offer meeting rooms which can be reserved.

A downside of a coffeehouse is that they don’t naturally enable socializing in the same way a bar does. It’s seldom a destination for a date night, or a place to go with friends on a Friday night after work, or to meet new people, flirt, etc. (you get the idea).  From an article, Sober Bars, Mocktails Becoming More Mainstream, “Sober bars give people in recovery a place to hang out without putting their sobriety at risk. ‘Mocktail’ is a term that people who don’t drink alcohol may be familiar with. These non-alcoholic drinks are being served across the U.S., as abstinence and moderation gain popularity.”

Sober Bar Glossary

ABV 0.0%

Booze-Free

Conscious Gathering

Elixirs

Low & No-ABV Cocktails

Mocktails

Nonalcoholic Brews

Sober Curious

Zero Alcohol Beverages

Madison, Wisconsin has opened its first sober bar near the University of Wisconsin campus, Noosh, an evolution from its earlier incarnation as a restaurant. Laila Borokhim, the owner, is quoted in an article in the Capital Times, “In this latest stage of its evolution, the focus will be on making it a place for nearby students and others to gather when they want to hang out late, after the coffee shops have closed, but not have a drink.”

Who wants to meet for a drink?

Sober Bars Additional Reading

Sober Bars

Sober Bars. Mocktails Becoming More Mainstream

Why you’re likely going to hear more about being “sober curious”

The Most Convincing Reason to Be ‘Sober-Curious’

With Young People Drinking Less, Are Booze-Free Bars the Future of Going Out?

NYC’s sober bar scene is a ‘hip’ oasis for booze-free fun

Emotional Labor

Definition: “Emotional labor, as I define it, is emotion management and life management combined. It is the unpaid, invisible work we do to keep those around us comfortable and happy. It envelops many other terms associated with the type of care-based labor I described in my article: emotion work, the mental load, mental burden, domestic management, clerical labor, invisible labor.” — Gemma Hartley, from her book titled, Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward

In an article from the The Atlantic, “The Concept Creep of Emotional Labor,” author Julie Beck writes, “The term hasn’t always been used this way. It was first coined by the sociologist Arlie Hochschild in her 1983 book on the topic, The Managed Heart. Emotional labor, as she conceived it, referred to the work of managing one’s own emotions that was required by certain professions.”

From a guide written for men in Mel Magazine, emotional labor is defined broadly as, “Free, invisible work women do to keep track of the little things in life that, taken together, amount to the big things in life: the glue that holds households, and by extension, proper society, together.”

This concept came to my attention recently, yet described a phenomenon I have experienced over the years both in in my jobs, many of which were customer-service oriented, as recently as my current part-time job in administrative sales support, and in my family and intimate relationships when I was often required to deliver emotional labor by default, because of my gender, or my gender role in my same sex relationships.

The division of labor in the home is generally not shared equally, women bearing the burden of housework and childcare in addition to their work outside the home. Often, depending on their job because of their gender role, they are also required to deliver emotional labor and/or function in jobs where they’re not fairly compensated for their care-driven, service, or support duties.

Claudia Megele in 2015 stated, “Emotional labor is defined as the expenditure of intellectual, physical and emotional resources, time, effort and energy, to identify/understand and fulfill one’s own and other’s emotional needs.”

“I’m tired now, can I take a break?”

Emotional Labor Additional Reading

The Concept Creep of Emotional Labor

It’s Time to Share the Burden of Emotional Labor

Emotional Labor Advice

This Is Why Your Wife Is Stressed Out

A Stupid-Easy Guide to Emotional Labor

Salad Frosting

Definition: Kraft Heinz has introduced a ranch dressing in a squeezable tube with a kid-friendly sweet-tooth inspired name, Salad Frosting.

Now, for a little something less serious but perhaps more dangerous, high-calorie salad dressing with a fun name designed to trick children into eating healthier foods by their parents who love them.  “It’s also worth noting that ranch dressing isn’t exactly the healthiest option for kids — or grown-ups. Just 2 tablespoons Kraft’s version has 110 calories, 11 grams of fat and 290 milligrams of sodium. The same amount of Betty Crocker vanilla frosting has more calories — 140 — but just 5 grams of fat and 70 milligrams of sodium.”

Just when you thought it was safe to go in the kitchen with your parent, there’s this:

Parental name-game rebranding from, Salad Frosting: Or How I Learned to Lie to My Kids:

Bean pudding (hummus)

Birdie splats (eggs)

Breast soda (milk)

Caramel apples… without caramel (apples)

Cheese s’mores (grilled cheese)

Cheesy pancakes (pizza)

Cow Uncrustables (wagyu katsu sandwiches, for the wealthy baby)

Dippin’ Dots of the Sea (caviar, for the wealthier baby)

Disappointing candy (grapes)

Earth chunks (granola)

Egg pie, or — to double down — birdie splats pie (quiche)

Flat sugar-free pop (water)

Gut Play-Doh (pâté, pour le bébé en France)

Lumpy and bland room temp ice cream (oatmeal)

Meat Push Pops (bone marrow)

Meat syrup (gravy)

Noodle cake (lasagna)

Oink squiggles (bacon)

Rice Crispy meat (fried chicken)

Sad pickles (cucumbers)

Sadder pickles (zucchini)

Salty Gushers (ravioli)

Salty Fruit Roll-Ups (sushi)

Savory cow cookies (burgers)

Unicorn steak (salmon)

Wrinkle crunch bucks (kale) 

Salad Frosting Additional Reading

Salad Frosting

Salad Frosting: Or How I Learned to Lie to My Kids

What Does It All Mean? Connecting the Dots

As I read about these random topics over the course of the past two or three weeks, they caught my attention and piqued my curiosity. Are there any connections I can make between these three subjects, Sober Bars, Emotional Labor, and Salad Dressing?

At first glance, I think not. As a society we’re making healthier choices when it comes to Sober Bars. In regards to Emotional Labor we’re recognizing the inequities in our homes and workplaces based on gender roles. In the kitchen we may find ourselves deceiving our children with Salad Frosting in our efforts to encourage healthy eating, but our tactics are suspect (yet humorous, in a dystopian way). I guess, in their simplest form, it’s not always what we name things, in the end, it’s what they actually are.

If you have some insights into these random topics, I invite your feedback. I’m going out for a drink at a Sober Bar!

Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!

Random Topics 

Random Topics II