Niksen, Situationship, and Neuralink
From the introduction of the first in the series of Random Topics:
“As a blogger, I mine my daily life for topics to write about. I set out to find something timely and meaningful, something that my readers can relate to, a universal message or lesson to discover in my lived experience. Another option is to choose a subject from the news of the day to comment on, however sometimes current events are tragically overwhelming.”
In the past week, and longer, there was ample craziness in the news to comment on including Trump’s frivolous and dangerous claims. First, he declared he was “the chosen one” — increasing tariffs and escalating the trade war with China, causing a downturn in the stock market threatening a recession — next, the real-estate mogul’s “absurd” attempt to purchase Greenland from the Danes. All of this happened before his departure for the G7 Summit and proclamation to reinstate Putin, making it the G8 again. Trump participated at the summit as an outlier to the world‘s democracies. As the G7 Summit concluded, he promoted his Trump National Doral Miami Resort as the location of next year’s summit when the U.S. hosts. Oh, My!
“I’m often left to choose from the mundane or subjects that pique my curiosity. When this happens, the only common theme is the randomness of my choices. Today, I offer three random topics with absolutely no connection or relation to each other at least that I’m aware of at the outset of this essay. Perhaps as I write, I may discover the subtle relationships that bind them together. Life is like that.”
Niksen
Recently, I drafted and posted an essay on Mixed Metaphors, Oh My! entitled, To-Do List Confessions, Or How I’m a Little Bit OCD. I’ve spent much of my life as a human doing rather than a human being. I introduced my post with the following quote, which in some ways defines the Dutch lifestyle philosophy, Niksen.
“The only thing more important than your to-do list is your to-be list. The only thing more important than your to-be list is to be.” — Alan Cohen
First, full disclosure, I have Dutch ancestry. My maternal great grandmother and great grandfather emigrated from the Netherlands. I have memories as a very small child of enjoying tea and cookies in the parlor of my Grandmother Mulder’s Victorian home. The room was adorned with lace curtains and doilies, potted ferns, and intricately carved dark mahogany furniture. The children were encouraged to be polite and act like well-behaved little adults.
The Dutch have embraced a lifestyle best summed up by this popular Italian saying, “la dolce far niente,” which translates as “the sweetness of doing nothing.”
The Dutch were not the first European country to espouse a philosophy and way of living focused on mindfulness. The Dutch took it one step further, from an article in Vogue, “Mindfulness is about the object of thinking, while niksen is about (not) doing”, professor Rutt Veenhoven tells Vogue, a sociologist at Erasmus University Rotterdam in the Netherlands who studies happiness.
“‘Niksing’ allows for the floating of free thoughts, rather than focusing one’s thoughts. In short: allow your mind to simply wander without purpose (again, easier said than done).”
European Philosophies:
- Danes – Hygee, a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being (regarded as a defining characteristic of Danish culture).
- Swedes – Lagom, not too little, not too much. Just right.
- Scots – Coorie, getting back to basics: keeping warm (in heart, mind and body), going outdoors (come rain, hail or shine) and maintaining balance.
For me, the closest to Niksen that I personally practice are Pajama Days, when I choose to spend time alone at home in my PJ’s and practice spontaneity, which often involves procrastination, recreational eating, channel-surfing, daydreaming, naps, and sometimes writing.
Related Reading on Niksen
Situationship
First, let me go on record that I’m not an expert on this subject — or the subject of dating in general — or for that matter — on intimate romantic relationships since my resume dates back 11 years ago when my most recent committed, monogamous relationship ended. Since the ending of that relationship, to refresh and restart my dating mojo, I co-organized a singles mixer, Hot Snacks, an evening of appetizers and conversation with single lesbians. Later, I attended a Lesbian & Queer Women’s Dating Seminar & Salon, not once, but twice! I guess some of us need more help than others do.
My relationship history in brief: I was once married to a man, my first love. We “opened” our relationship when I discovered my attraction to women, which in the end led to my coming out as a lesbian. We divorced, which precipitated a lesbian adolescence of sorts and the beginning of a history of serial monogamy. I sometimes failed at my commitment, leading to a number of relationships until I was ready to settle down, first for two and a half years, then four, a mid-life thing for a year with someone 20 years younger, and finally my long-term relationship of 14 years. If you’re keeping track, it ended 11 years ago.
Now, in the spirit of complete transparency an ex-girlfriend on a couple of occasions has extended an invitation for a “friends with benefits” arrangement when she was in between lovers (If you guessed it was my mid-life thing, you’d be correct. I declined, every time). Over the years, I admit I’ve had crushes and infatuations, gone on dates to test the waters of the dating pool so-to-speak, and I’ve even opened my heart to the possibility of something more. In the end, I’ve retreated to my solitary life. I’m not sure if I’m just being picky at this late stage in my life, or just scared. In my defense, I’m capable of emotional intimacy with family and friends.
I digress. Now back to the original topic of Situationship. To my knowledge, at least in my recent past, I’ve not been in one, which begs the question, “What is a Situationship?”
According to Damona Hoffman a dating coach and host of Dates & Mates podcast, “A situationship is a romantic connection that in most cases serves a short-term need in one or both partners but may or may not evolve into something more stable or meaningful.”
From the article, What Exactly Is a Situationship?, “Samantha Burns, a dating coach and the author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, described a situationship as a convenient ‘relationship’ that lacks traditional labels and/or a defined, monogamous commitment. While this romantic connection typically involves hooking up, it can also include emotional intimacy and real friendship.”
Photo Credit: Still Jewelry
In addition to a Situationship here’s a list of dating trends:
Glossary of Dating Trends in the 21st Century
- Friends with Benefits – (used as a euphemism) a friend with whom one has sex without a romantic relationship or commitment.
- Half-Night Stands – an abbreviated version of the one-night stand ― instead of staying the night, one person makes their exit after sex.
- Monogamish – committed relationship allowing occasional infidelities which the partner must disclose
- Ghosting – the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication
- Orbiting – in which a person cuts off all direct, meaningful communication but continues to engage with you on social media
- Curving – a distant cousin of ghosting, a person continues to respond to texts or other communication, but doesn’t answer any questions regarding commitment or any attempts to define your relationship.
- Cushioning – the practice of making sure you have some “insurance” on the side in case your relationship goes sour.
- Serendipidating – putting off a date in the hope something better comes along.
As someone who has gingerly re-entered the dating scene, I’ve tip-toed through the minefield of online dating apps, social media, single social events, and actually asked others out for a date (or, two, or more). As part of my letting go of my most recent ex-girlfriend, for this blog I chronicled a series of 10 episodes of imaginary Conversations w/My Next Girlfriend.
In the end, I’ve lived vicariously through my friends and family, by observing the beginnings, the middles, and the endings of their relationships, providing support when asked, and retreating to my solitary life.
Related Reading on Situationship
What Exactly Is a ‘Situationship’?
Neuralink
As I introduce this topic, I admit that I’m a late adopter to technology, mostly due to my age as a baby boomer, but also, I sometimes struggle with learning new skills. Since I was a child, I wanted to master something from the beginning. I didn’t like to make mistakes, look awkward, or lag behind other learners. Years later, I learned it was a common characteristic of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA).
There have been many advances that I’ve been late to embrace including swapping out my cathode tube TV for a flat screen, switching from handwritten journals to online WORD docs, and replacing my flip phone with a Smartphone (Full disclosure: I still have a landline too!).
The irony for me is in my current part-time position in a car dealership, some of my duties include functioning as a system administrator for a number of our manufacturers web-based tools. In my creative endeavors, I’ve needed to use software for writing, including this blog, team communication like Slack.com, and the list goes on.
Since I work in the automotive industry, part of my training is to learn all the new performance technical upgrades, safety, and comfort and convenience features of the vehicles we sell. Since I work for European luxury brands we manufacture, sell, and repair the most technologically-advanced vehicles, including electric, and autonomous cars and SUVs.
Prominent in that industry is Elon Musk of Tesla. In addition to the electric vehicles his company designs and manufactures, earlier in his career, he founded and sold PayPal, purchased SolarCity which manufactures and sells solar panels, and has ventured into space with SpaceX, launching rockets that return to the launchpad and will eventually send the first commercial vehicle to the International Space Station.
Musk moved from creating online tools, to self-driving vehicles, harnessing the power of sunlight, to rockets that take off into space and return to earth, and now he wants to get into our heads and embed a computer chip which will communicate with a computer. Oh, My!
As reported by CNN, “Musk hopes the implant, created by his brain-computer interface startup Neuralink, could one day help quadriplegics control smartphones, and perhaps even endow users with a sort of telepathy. Like existing brain-machine interfaces, it would collect electrical signals sent out by the brain and interpret them as actions.”
“Neuralink, which was founded in 2016, has already tested an early, wired version of this implant in rats (and Musk indicated it has enabled a monkey to control a computer with his brain, too); Musk said human trials could start by the end of next year, though the company doesn’t yet have approval from the US Food and Drug Administration for such a study. (And, it should be noted, Musk, who is also CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, has a history of making outlandish technological claims: for instance, the he said in a recent interview that getting humans to Mars in 4 years “sounds doable.”)”
Let me go on record, I have no plans to “drive” an autonomous vehicle, purchase solar panels (I rent), reserve a seat on a rocket to the space station, or have a Neuralink computer chip implanted in my brain. Now if past is prologue, check with me in 20 years!
Related Reading on Neuralink
Elon Musk wants to put a computer chip in your brain. Who wants one?
Elon Musk’s Neuralink Wants ‘Sewing Machine-Like’ Robots to Wire Brains to the Internet
What does it all mean? Connecting the dots.
Of the random topics in this installment, the likelihood that I would experience them in my life, follow the order I introduced them. Niksen holds a lot of appeal for me. As I’ve written before, I need to learn how to be a human being rather than a human doing. Regarding a Situationship the only situation I can currently envision for myself is a satisfying and richly fulfilling solitary life. Any possibility of a romantic relationship of any kind would definitely, referencing a metaphor, be frosting on the cake. Let me go on record, again, I like frosting! Lastly, I’m fearful of a future where my brain is hooked up to a computer. It’s a dystopian future I’m not ready to live in. To connect the dots and sum it all up…
Do nothing, do something, or do more…
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
To-Do List Confessions, Or How I’m a Little Bit OCD
Pajama Day: Or How I Failed at Hobnobbing
It’s Never Too Late (To Learn How to Date)
Sexagenarian Dating in the Midwest