“My blog musings are conversations with myself to which you’re invited to listen.” — Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
I’ve lived alone now for almost a dozen years. It changes a person, or in the very least, it changed me. As someone with a history of codependency, I’ve been other or outward-oriented. In the past, I often looked outside of myself to gauge how I was feeling or what I was thinking. Gratefully, recovery and therapy put the focus back on me. Now I ask, “What am I feeling? What are my thoughts?”
The tradeoff is at home — and sometimes in my office at work or in public — I talk to myself out loud. When I first started living alone and talking aloud, I worried about this behavior. I soon reminded myself of a couple of characteristics that I possess, I’m an auditory person, and for the most part, socially extroverted, though the longer I’ve lived alone, the more introverted I’ve become. I now consider myself an ambivert.
Since I’m a person who practices self-examination, I started looking at the habit of self-talk, often out loud, both at home and in public. When I did a little research, I read this article, The Benefits of Talking to Yourself from the New York Times and it resonated with me. Following is an excerpt:
“The fairly common habit of talking aloud to yourself is what psychologists call external self-talk. And although self-talk is sometimes looked at as just an eccentric quirk, research has found that it can influence behavior and cognition.
“Language provides us with this tool to gain distance from our own experiences when we’re reflecting on our lives. And that’s really why it’s useful,” said Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.
When we talk to ourselves we’re trying to see things more objectively, Mr. Kross said, so it matters how you talk to yourself. The two types of self-talk you’re likely most familiar with are instructional self-talk, like talking yourself through a task, and motivational self-talk, like telling yourself, “I can do this.” It might be corny, but motivating yourself out loud can work.”
Putting Words to Page
It’s taken me years to call myself a writer, though I’ve been writing for years. I began 
writing in high school as the editor of our paper, Just In Case, which included my column, From the Editor’s Desk, plus feature stories, and prose. When I attended college, I majored in Journalism and later Communication Arts. Instead, I excelled at political activism, missing classes, and dropping out.
In my professional life, I’ve held many jobs in the service and information industries, as an account and business development manager in printing, graphic arts and design, publishing, and more. I also wrote and edited magazines in my stint in public relations. I hired writers, proofread copy, and worked with graphic designers, art directing page and cover design. In my volunteer and political activist life, I also wrote and designed brochures and press releases, and designed and edited a newsletter for a restaurant cooperative, The Lysistrata Letter.
It took me years to stop writing for others, and start writing for myself. What I mean by that is, when I wrote for an audience, for the readers, I was too self-critical, and in the end, the result was my voice was less true, more manufactured to please.
Journaling was my saving grace. It was serendipitous that the act of writing for myself helped me become a writer and be willing to share my writing with others. It’s also not a coincidence that I began journaling continuously when I started living alone. As I’ve shared before, I journaled when I got sober over 30 years ago. The act of self-examination, accountability, deep-diving into and naming my emotions was life-saving. Putting words to page kept me honest, aware, and in the moment. It helped me take a daily inventory, to make amends when needed, and change habits and behavior that no longer served me.
A sampling of journals
My journal/journey transformed me into a writer. Sometimes we become what we do. I became a writer by writing.
After my recovery journals, I both started and abandoned countless journals over the years. I’d begin a journal when I was going through a rough patch in my life, or needed to refocus on myself when a relationship challenged me. I often stopped writing when I found the answer on how to move forward on my journey. I wrote and self-published poetry, and as I aged, I took an interest in reminiscence writing and began a memoir, Perfectly Flawed, a work, like my life, still in progress. I’ve also written short plays and spoken word monologues
Conversations with Myself
Almost seven years ago, in February 2013, I designed and launched my blog, Mixed Metaphors, Oh My! The intention was to repurpose and share some of my writing, excerpts from my memoir and stories from my reminiscence-writing classes. I also wanted to share musings on random topics, political essays and the occasional rant, poetry, and commentary on the culture. In the end they were essentially conversations with myself to which I invited an audience to listen.
I recently watched a Netflix special, Joke Show by a favorite comedian, Michelle Wolf. She commented on how people share opinions about everything and argue endlessly on social media, including Facebook and Instagram. This is what she said about bloggers that made me laugh, and also inspired this musing about blogging.
Sometimes I’ve been accused of oversharing, both on social media and in this blog. I tell my personal story, my lived experience, however, often my story, as in life, includes family, friends, and loved ones. I don’t consider myself an impartial journalist, my feelings and opinions are infused in my writing. Often close family and loved ones wish I’d edit more. Following Michelle Wolf’s comedy special, I watched two documentaries this weekend profiling writers and journalists. The first was Breslin and Hamill: Deadline Artists and Everything Is Copy, a tribute to Nora Ephron by her son, Jacob Bernstein, a reporter, filmmaker, and son of Carl Bernstein. The following quotes spoke to me and sum up some of my personal philosophy about writing for and publishing my blog.
Pete Hamill, shared this quote from Gabriel Garcia Márquez, Nobel Prize-winning writer:
“All human beings have three lives, a public life, a private life, and a secret life.” Hamill added, “A private life is by invitation only. A secret life is nobody’s business.”
The title of the Nora Ephron’s documentary is based on a statement of her mother’s, a Hollywood screenwriter, “Everything Is Copy.” Ephron also embraced that simple and stark philosophy, basing her novels, essays, and screenplays on her personal life. Like Hamill, however, at the end, Ephron protected her secret life by not sharing, beyond a small circle of family and friends, that she was dying from leukemia.
What Does It All Mean?
Like the conversations I have with myself, often talking aloud when alone, my blog posts are conversations that I willingly share with you about my public and sometimes private life, not knowing whether you care to listen or not! Like journaling, it’s the chronicle of my journey and if nothing else a small record and legacy of my life.
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Additional Reading & Listening
The History of Blogging and Its Evolution