For my Door County LGBTQ+ writer’s group, Write On, the prompt this month was ‘Thank You.’ At first, it didn’t seem inspiring, until I realized that thank you and gratitude are cut from the same whole cloth. As a person in recovery from substances and behaviors that no longer serve me, gratitude is an acknowledgement of the commitment and work that was required of me, and a thank you for the support I received from others, including a belief in a power greater than myself.
I’ve journaled most of life, beginning with teenage ‘dear diary’ musings which I often abandoned quickly. I tried and failed at writing for an audience. I was too self-conscious, sophomoric, and lacked sufficient life experience to find perspective and meaning in my young life.
Fast forward years later, almost 36 years ago, I made the decision to get help with my drinking. To be precise, I needed help with my not drinking. In fact, when I finally made the decision to get an assessment on whether I needed to be treated for alcoholism, I had been sober for a couple of months. I was ‘white-knuckling’ sobriety, not drinking, yet not addressing the alcoholic behaviors which led to my problems which included my inability to maintain a healthy committed relationship.
Journal Entry
I entered outpatient treatment, followed by aftercare, countless 12-Step recovery meetings, a therapy group for women who were children of alcoholics, and finally, culminating in 10 years of one-on-one therapy. For the first couple of years, I kept recovery journals, examined my life, took a fearless moral inventory, chronicled the experience, and identified and accessed emotions my drinking had numbed for years. I no longer wrote for an audience, instead I journaled for the person I was becoming.
Recovery Journal
Soon, I reaped the benefits of my sobriety and was able to explore healthy relationships, not only with others, but with myself. I’d stop journaling until I’d hit a bump in my life and would return to the practice to identify the problems, access my emotions, and after rereading a series of entries, I would either know how to chart a path forward, or recognize the healing process that had occurred. Grateful.
Fast forward again to 13 years ago, when my 15-year relationship ended. Since journaling had been a tool for me in early recovery, and when I hit bumps in the road, I decided to journal again. Now, I’ve journaled continuously for 13 years, not daily, yet at minimum, twice a week. Each journal captured a year of my life. I’ve named the journals for each of those 13 years. My current journal is named, Red Letter Days & Nights.
Journals
Back to the original prompt, ‘Thank You.’ One of the gifts of my recovery, of learning to recognize the ‘glass is half-full,’ was to acknowledge my gratitude. Breaking it down to its essence, gratitude is the awareness that I’m not alone in this life. I’m part of a community supported by others, people who love me and help me navigate the dark nights of my soul, including a higher power. I end most journal entries with a thank you, as follows:
Life is good. I’m grateful. Thanks, H.P.!
Additional Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Confessions of a Blogger: Conversations with Myself
Related Reading on Writer’s Groups