The Never-Ending To-Do List: Being & Becoming It’s the eve of the New Year, 2023. It’s 2:00 a.m. and my day is starting early as it has been recently while I recover from my hip-replacement surgery. My sleep schedule is turned upside down, so I’m up earlier than normal. It’s okay. I’m a morning person, the most productive time of day for me. I enjoy my three or four cups of joe as I logon to my laptop to see what’s happening in the world, and in my social media circle. Each year in September, I begin a new journal, and name it. This year’s journal is titled, To-Do List Confessions. The timing of each year’s new journal is the start of my late summer, early fall annual staycation. I take seven to ten days off of work. I usually make a ‘to-do if I want to list,’ a compilation of intentions, some creative, mostly writing projects, activities that feed my spirit like attending art galleries, films, coffee and brunch dates with friends and family, and completing long-overdue tasks for which I’ve procrastinated.
Full disclosure: I never finish checking off all the boxes on my ‘to-do if I want to lists.’ It’s frequently due to procrastination, lack of inspiration or self-discipline, or most often failure to initiate. When I’m most critical of myself, it sums up how I feel about my performance as a person.
I also make weekly to-do lists throughout the year. I’ve saved over 10 years of to-do lists. I can look back at any week and see what my intentions were, what items return every week like laundry, what mundane everyday living tasks populate the list, and the who, what, where, and when of how and why I connected with friends, family, and colleagues.
Over 10 Years of Weekly To-Do Lists
An excerpt from my blog essay To-Do List Confessions, Or How I’m a Little Bit OCD: I started this habit ― or compulsion ― after I left my committed relationship of 15 years and I was curious how I would spend my time as a single person and realized too, that there was no one to remind me of my commitments. As I reviewed my lists, some patterns revealed that my life is a mix of the mundane, the social, and creative. “The only thing more important than your to-do list is your to-be list. The only thing more important than your to-be list is to be.” ― Alan Cohen
Writing Desk Weekly To-Do List
Looking Backward: The Past One of the benefits of both archiving to-do lists and journaling is I can look back at the year to see where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing, including my accomplishments, memories, and yes, things left undone. It’s my annual year-in-review. For those readers who abhor Christmas or Holiday Letters, please skip ahead to the next section of this essay and musing, Being: The Present.
A Sampling of Journals (not including online journals).
The New Year in 2022 began in January with ending three months of Osteoarthritis (OA) Clinic appointments with my team of an orthopedic doctor, P.A., P.T, nutritionist, and psychologist. I began a low-inflammation Mediterranean Diet to help lose some weight and help ease OA symptoms, was assigned a series of physical therapy exercises to increase mobility, and met both in-person and virtually with a psychologist to address my resistance to exercise. Oh, my! It takes a village. In January, I began a month of Wisconsin Certified Peer-Specialist certification training. Mornings were virtual training, afternoons I went to work at the OutReach LGBTQ+ Community Center in my half-time position as an LGBTQ+ AODA Advocate.
It was a busy year for the community center and our program staff. We conducted 35 presentations to the community, some in-person, some virtual on the topics of LGBTQ+ 101, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion, and LGBTQ+ History. The entire staff also planned and sponsored our annual OutReach Magic Pride Festival, the first in-person event since the pandemic.
In my role as an AODA Advocate, I facilitated recovery meetings which transitioned from virtual to hybrid, where people could join in-person or virtually. I launched a new recovery meeting format to replace 12-Step A.A. meetings, Progress Not Perfection; LGBTQ+ Substance Use Harm Reduction Recovery Group. I also wrote a series of recovery articles for Our Lives magazine. 
I moderated and videotaped the final program in the series, Protecting Our Health for The Road Forward initiative. I served on the Dane County Ending Deaths from Despair Task Force and on the advisory board for the Dane County Alliance Against Corporate Tobacco. Program colleagues and I attended and presented at the NAMI Conference, and we coalesced with other community organizations, including Safe Communities, and the African American Opioid Coalition (AAOC) as part of the opioid overdose settlement for the County, colleagues wrote program grants to serve our homeless community and youth, which will launch new initiatives in 2023, including hiring additional staff.
Whew!
In my personal life, I continued to write for my blog, connect with family, both bio and chosen, friends, and colleagues, wrote and submitted a monologue to the Forward Theater Monologue Festival whose theme for 2023 is Out in This World. Lastly, after watching Dave Chappelle’s controversial Netflix comedy special, I made the decision to return to standup comedy. I’m writing a new routine, Funny, Not Funny! Read my take on Chapelle’s performance, the role of comedy to provoke and push boundaries, and my decision to return to the stage. See link to Funny, Not Funny! at the end of this essay. I also turned over the director and co-producing reigns for the Hotel Bar web series pilot to the head writer after the death of the director and co-producer (RIP, Gary Dunham). In January 2023, we are filming additional scenes for the pilot to give it some narrative continuity. A shout-out to the Hotel Bar Barflies who are making this project come alive. Grateful. 
Lastly, beginning in September, after meeting with my primary care doctor, I obtained a Handicap Parking Sticker. I’d been using a cane beginning in spring, summer, and fall. I then met with an orthopedic surgeon and a P.A. and scheduled hip-replacement surgery in December of this year. That precipitated a series of to-dos, drafting all my legal Power of Healthcare and Power of Attorney documents, my Will, and final wishes, including a list of material items to bequeath to friends and family, plus music to be played at my Celebration of Life. Oh, my! I utilized my project management and to-do list generation skills to put a pre-and post-surgery plan together, considering all outcomes! 
On this eve of the New Year, I’m grateful that the surgery went well and grateful for the support of friends, family, and loved ones who reminded me that we sometimes need to lean on each other and accept help. As someone who values my independence, it was a good lesson in humility and vulnerability for me to accept and learn. Progress, Not Perfection. Cue up the song Who Knows Where the Time Goes? by Rufus Wainwright.
Being: The Present
For the most part, I’m homebound as the holidays wind down and I recover. As a person who leans heavily on my routines to stay centered, especially as someone who lives alone, I’ve had to tweak and/or create new routines. Though my sleep schedule is turned upside down, I’ve established a rhythm to my days. As a morning person this is my prime time when I set intentions for the day and draft my to-do list. Yes, in addition to my weekly to-do list, I now create a Post-It Note to-do list for the day. Most days, I cross-off many of the items, some fall off and are postponed and rescheduled due to procrastination. Yeah, I’m that girl! This section of my essay and musing is brief, for good reason. I’m practicing being in the moment, one of the most difficult challenges in my life. As a reminiscence writer and blogger, it’s easy for me to look back at the past, revisit people, places, and experiences, attempt to understand their meaning both personal and universal, and help me chart a path for the future. That’s the essence of my challenge, I spend a lot of time looking back at the past and projecting into the future. I’m learning to be present in the moment, in my body, being mindful. Cue up the song, Jason Mraz, Living in the Moment. I’m learning how to be a human being, rather than a human doing.
Becoming: The Future
This is the unknown part of the journey, when the road ahead is partially obscured by curves or hills. Destinations are temporarily undetermined. Unexpected roadblocks and detours are revealed. There are changes in plans. I navigate the journey by using my internal compass, rely on my past experiences and knowledge, the wisdom gained by my successes and failures, employ the map of my intentions, and finally, and most importantly, be present in the journey, and remain aware that in life, it’s Progress, Not Perfection. Cue up the song by Traffic, Who Knows What Tomorrow May Bring? The Never-Ending To-Do List: Being & Becoming 
Happy New Year!
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
To-Do List Confessions, Or How I’m a Little Bit OCD
Procrastination Station: Dysfunction Junction
Dispatch from the Hideout: Hip-A-Dee-Do-Dah!
Life as a Barfly: Dispatch from the Hotel Bar
End of Year Reviews from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Dispatch from the Hideout: Omicron Edition
Dispatch from the Hideout: The End Is Here!
Memories Are Made of This: Grief & Gratitude