Mixed Metaphors

“Life seems sometimes like nothing more than a series of losses, from beginning to end. That’s the given. How you respond to those losses, what you make of what’s left, that’s the part you have to make up as you go.” ― Katharine Weber

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Laozi

This past Saturday night we planned an event, Last Night at the Hotel Bar, a reunion of sorts, a wake, and sendoff, not for a person but for a place, The Brink Lounge in Madison, Wisconsin. It was a gathering for Madison Indie Filmmakers, friends, and supporters. We referred to ourselves as the Barflies. The Brink Lounge was closing permanently on April 30.

The Brink Lounge was the location for the filming of our no-to-low budget pilot episode of Hotel Bar. Over five years ago, we began meeting as a creative team to discuss the project following a Madison Indie Filmmakers Project Showcase when I pitched my idea for a Twilight Zone-inspired treatment of St. Peter and the Pearly Gates and the traditional afterlife, the Roman Catholic view of heaven, hell, and limbo. Instead of an angel at the Gates of Heaven, who reviews the big book record of an individual’s life and decides the newly-dead person’s eternal destination, it’s a chatty bartender in a nondescript hotel bar.

It’s a satirical take on how our lives are judged. Unsuspecting travelers, who have just died, believe they are on a journey somewhere and have temporarily stopped off at this hotel and bar for a drink and some conversation before they are on their way. Little do they know the innocent conversation they are about to have with a friendly bartender will determine their ultimate-fate for eternity.

Like many businesses, post-pandemic, The Brink Lounge, though a thriving venue before COVID-19, could not sustain their business for a number of reasons common to the food and beverage industry, decreased in-person business during the pandemic, management and staff shortages, increased food and beverage costs, and a shift in focus for the owners and their family, some who were retiring and others developing new, larger projects, causing it to close on April 30.

Though we had filmed b-roll footage in January of this year, there were still some scenes we needed to shoot. Now, we need to get creative again. In the span of our five years of production, the COVID-19 pandemic interrupted filming, as the co-producer and story creator, I experienced a personal loss, the death of my sister on one of our last days of filming, and our director died from an extended illness. Our story was as dramatic as the life and death themes of our pilot episode.

Saturday night, a small handful of Barflies met to mourn the loss of The Brink Lounge. As in life, things change and the devil is in the details. When we gathered at the scheduled time, we discovered that the bar and event space had been reserved for a private event, a fundraiser for a school. There was a $15 cover charge and a large crowd, so we moved next door to a bar, the Brass Ring.

For me personally, this experience represents just one example of the losses and sacrifices we all have made since the pandemic began three years ago. For people in the United States alone, it meant the millions of deaths of loved ones due to COVID-19, the most tragic outcome of the pandemic. People continue to die because of the virus. I’m grateful. I didn’t contract COVID-19 and I didn’t lose any family, friends and loved ones to the virus.

This installment of the Dispatch series takes a look at the other losses we have experienced post-pandemic and how our lives have changed. Whenever I draft a new installment to the series, I believe it’s the final one. What I’ve learned, so far, is loss and change, are never-ending elements of the cycle of life.

Dispatch from the Hideout: The COVID-19 Journal Project

Circling back to the end of February 2020 and the COVID-19 pandemic, I was forced to spend more time in the Hideout to protect my physical health, safer-at-home, I soon discovered that the isolation also affected my mental. emotional, and spiritual health. When the Wisconsin Historical Society launched the Wisconsin Historical Society COVID-19 Journal Project, I was all in, and to date, including this essay, I’ve contributed twenty-three installments about my experience, plus the three musings that preceded them. When you click on the link under Dispatch from the Hideout COVID-19 Journal Series at the end of this essay, you can read the entire series, if you wish (soon to be a book).

For those new to my Dispatch from the Hideout series:

I began my Dispatch from the Hideout as a one-off essay in July 2017 to describe my reaction to events in the world and my need to retreat. I was also grieving the losses in my life, the most recent at the time was my mother’s death in 2016. I introduced the series as follows:

Now, before I go any further, it’s important that I share with you that my hideout is a virtual one. I don’t have a cabin in the woods, or a bunker in the basement, I only have my home, a 645 square foot apartment. It’s where I wake up in the morning, retreat at the end of the work day, hideout on the weekends when I’m writing or feeling introverted, and end my days, often falling asleep on the couch watching TV. Yeah, I’m that girl. I live alone and most days I’m happy with that choice.

I discovered that the Dispatch from the Hideout metaphor was a useful vehicle for me to express innermost feelings, like grief and gratitude, moments when I faced my shadow, or questioned my choices, plus the times when I reflected on the larger world of which I’m simply a member, navigating things outside of my control, yet still have an impact on my heart, mind, and spirit. The Hideout metaphor served me and soon became a series.

Casualties & Impacts of the COVID-19 Pandemic

This is by no account a comprehensive list of business closings, impacts on employment, changes in our work, personal lives, health, and well-being. These are simply anecdotal observations of news and announcements that caught my attention, which I’m attempting to make sense of the implications.

Health & Well-Being

Of all the impacts and legacy of the COVID-19 pandemic, this one affects the greatest number of people worldwide. For some, tragically, the result was terminal, and families and loved ones still bear their grief for their losses. For those who recovered from the virus, some experience symptoms of ‘long COVID.’ According to health experts we are no longer in a pandemic, instead we’re living in an endemic, “a disease or condition present among a population at all times.”

Three years later, I’m a Never COVID, COVID Virgin, or COVID Target. For me, it required three years of isolation including, social distancing, healthy practices, sacrificing time with friends and family, avoiding indoor restaurants, stores, and events, many of which gave my life meaning and pleasure. For some of the past three years, I worked remotely, and when in the office, masked.

On Monday, I receive a new COVID-19 Updated Bivalent Booster since I qualify by age. It was over seven months ago when I received my last booster. For my job as an LGBTQ+ AODA Advocate for a community center, in the next three months I have a number of conferences I’m presenting at or attending with large numbers of people in banquet rooms, workshops, and hotels.

For my job, I’ve written about and presented on the impact of COVID-19 on our LGBTQ+ and marginalized communities. I launched and facilitate a Harm Reduction Recovery group and I collaborate with colleagues and partner organizations on an Opioid Overdose Prevention Program.

The metrics are disturbing, increases in overdose deaths, alcohol, and substance use disorders and usage. Besides behavioral health, access to mental health, therapy, and peer support did not meet the demand, especially in person. The same was true for those seeking non-emergency medical care. Appointments were months out. Example: I’m waiting over a year for my ‘annual’ eye appointment as a person with adult-onset diabetes, a history macular degeneration in my family, vitreous detachments and post-cataract eyecare.

Also disturbing is the politicization of healthcare, especially impacting women’s health and gender-affirming care.

Family & Social Life

For much of the past three years, I avoided large social gatherings, especially indoors. It included, at the beginning of the pandemic, the cancellation of out father/grandfather’s 90^th Birthday Celebration, when family from all over the country booked flights to mark his special birthday. Because of his age, I avoided in-person visits with him and my family members to protect their health and mine. It was a sacrifice.

The same was true with friends. Gratefully, I created a small circle of trusted bio and chosen family, my Pod Squad. It included people who I trusted were practicing safe and healthy behaviors. For much of the past three years we met outdoors, in garages in cold weather, and chose restaurants with outdoor seating.  Gratefully, though some contracted COVID-19, no one died.

I’ve lived alone for over 16 years and in the past considered myself by nature an ambivert, possessing both introvert and extrovert characteristics. The last three years, I’ve become more introverted, and more ambivalent about attending social gatherings with friends outside my ‘quarantine bubble’ Pod Squad, in-person movies, concerts, art galleries, and large events. I visit family in-person, but smaller gatherings, no longer the holidays with 15 to 20 people in my father’s small Cape Cod-style home.

Work Life

Things change. In February 2020, I was laid-off from my twelve-year job as a Business Development Center Manager including when I transitioned to part-time position as a Sales and Internet Administrative Support. The layoff was not due to performance, instead the position was eliminated and job responsibilities distributed to other managers.

I immediately began a job search for another part-time position since I was 70-years-old. I would have accepted a full-time position if it was the right job for the last chapter of my work life. I was lucky. In April 2020, I was being considered for two positions and accepted the half-time LGBTQ+ AODA Advocate for the OutReach LGBTQ+ Community Center. Grateful.

My start date was May, and for most of 2020 and some of 2021, I worked a hybrid schedule, remotely and in the office. In 2020, we masked, and since then, test for COVID when we show symptoms and wear masks when asked to by coworkers or community members.

Like others, I’ve participated in and facilitated more Zoom meetings than I care to count. I’ve ‘zoomed’ from home and workplace, during regular and outside my work schedule. Though I track my 20+ hours per week for payroll, I read and respond to work emails and staff chats outside my four-day work schedule and three-day weekend, and sometimes spend additional unbillable time on projects that require concentration or are more creative. My work and personal life has become blended. 

First responders, healthcare workers, and members of service industries were the ‘canaries in the coal mine,’ casualties of the pandemic. Some suffered serious or deadly health consequences, or the latter, who were generally underpaid and underappreciated, were no longer willing to risk their lives or the abuse they experienced from the public when they were simply doing their jobs while putting their own families at risk. There’s now a shortage of staff in healthcare and service industries, contributing to delays in medical and mental health appointments, and closures of restaurant and other locally-owned businesses and big box chains brick and mortar stores.

Tech companies, anticipating a prolonged period of virtual and online commerce, hired large numbers of staff. Many were paid six figures and had little to do. Now those companies, including Twitter, Facebook (Meta), Google, have laid-off thousands of people.

Housing & Food Security

A number of factors contributed to a crisis in housing and food security. Rental assistance and extended unemployment compensation ended when the COVID-19 Economic Recovery Plan’s three rounds of direct relief payments assistance to families expired during the COVID-19 crisis.

Rents have increased at alarming rates, while mortgage interest rates have also impacted first-time homebuyers ability to purchase a home. Food costs have skyrocketed while SNAP benefits have decreased. These factors, a minimum wage that can’t support a family has created a concerning increase in homelessness in both individuals and families.

Education

One of the most dramatic consequences of the COVID-19 pandemic was its effect on education and families. Schools were closed as people sheltered in place in 2020 and some longer when COVID-19 infections spiked. Children were homeschooled and used Zoom to access curriculum. Some children lacking technology and WIFI were at a disadvantage. Studies and tests have shown that students have generally performed poorly compared to other years.

Teachers also retired. Like healthcare workers, first responders, and service providers, many were unwilling to put their lives at risk and expose family members to potential infection. Compound that trend with the regressive culture wars effecting education, including book-banning, political interference in history and science curriculums, and laws restricting gender-affirming programs. 

Entertainment, Restaurants, & Bars

One of the major changes in our everyday and social lives was access to entertainment venues, in-person movies, restaurant meals indoors, theater, concerts, and the list goes on. For me personally, as a cinephile, prior to the pandemic, I would see two or three movie matinees every weekend. I’d attend the Wisconsin Film Festival (WFF) and purchase as many as 20+ tickets and stand in line to find a seat in sold out shows. This year I scaled way back, four films over the weekend.

At the conclusion of this year’s WFF, the final movie of the festival and my favorite movie theater which is permanently closing, originally Sundance 608, and later, AMC Madison 6, was The Last Picture Show. 

I live alone, yet have relied in the past on coffee and brunch dates with friends and bio and chosen family as a way of staying connected, and for special occasions dinners at upscale restaurants. I haven’t been to a theater, music, or comedy performance for over three years. The same is true for a visit to an art gallery or museum, experiences that impact the quality of my life.

It was recently announced that Disney was laying off thousands of employees as theme parks have also suffered during the pandemic.

Business

The last decade has been described as the ‘retail apocalypse.’ The COVID-19 pandemic was the death knell for business who had not transitioned to a robust online retail model. The same was true for restaurants who didn’t create online carry-out and delivery services, utilizing customer pickup and services like DoorDash and Uber Eats. Grocers and big box stores that pivoted to delivery, maintained their businesses.

Casualties of the last decade and the tipping point caused by the pandemic include: Bed Bath & Beyond, Tuesday Morning, Tupperware, and David’s Bridal to name a few.

Coping with & Accepting Change

We are now tasked with grieving the losses we’ve all experienced, including aspects of our way of life that we took for granted. We will never return to a life that resembles our pre-pandemic daily lives. Things change, and in the end, so will we.

Good Luck & Farewell  

As I grieve my losses and accept my life today, I return to the beginning of this look back at the past and look ahead to what’s next. I end this musing with the last footage at The Brink Lounge, courtesy of the head writer and co-producer of Hotel Bar, Robert Barhite. It’s a photo at the bar of our director Gary Dunham who died last year with our A.D. Aaron Kesller who will help the Barflies carryon the legacy of the Hotel Bar story about life, death, and how our lives are judged.

Dispatch from the Hideout Series

To read the entire Dispatch from the Hideout Wisconsin Historical Society COVID-19 Journal from most recent to oldest, click link below:

Dispatch from the Hideout: Endemic Edition

Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!

Life as a Barfly: Dispatch from the Hotel Bar

Finding Recovery Strategies

Additional Reading on the Topic

COVID Data Tracker

Madison’s Brink Lounge to Close on April 30

Impacts of the COVID-19 Pandemic on Business Operations

Tupperware Has Been Struggling for Years

The 24-Hour Workday