“I have a notion that if you are going to be spiritually curious, you better not get cluttered up with too many material things.” — Mary Oliver
“Having a simplified uncluttered, home is a form of self-care.” — Emma Scheib
First, I confess, as a 75-year-old person who lives alone, I’m a cliché. Like many others of my generation, I spent years accumulating material things along with lived experiences, yielding a collection of stuff and memories. Today, the latter has value, the former not so much. As I look ahead to my remaining years, I want to simplify, downsize, let go of things, and rightsize my life.
Current Status
For the past year I’ve been dreaming of the possibility of living in a tiny home or accessory dwelling unit (ADU) for the last chapter of my life. A year ago, our family childhood home was sold after the death of our father, our remaining parent, and the last keepsakes and ephemera I wanted to save made a home with me. Before I could begin to consider living in a tiny home, I had to address the elephant in the rooms, too much stuff!
The stuff, my material inheritance, resides in my bedroom, since I haven’t found a place to store them, along with Christmas decorations from this past season, files, a shadow box frame, my old Windows 10 Dell laptop, and tchotchkes from my desk for which I no longer have room. Under my bed are my store of prescriptions, a framed photo with broken glass that has yet been reframed, COVID tests, and a cylindrical pillow I used when I recovered my hip replacement, and the list goes on.
Time to purge
I fear becoming a hoarder. To some degree, it’s an unrealistic fear since I witnessed my sister Roz suffer near the end of her life, and I’ve vowed to never let that happen to me, yet in small ways it has. I live in a 645 square foot, one bedroom apartment with one small bedroom closet, a tiny coat closet, and a galley kitchen with an insufficient number of cabinets for cookware and pantry for a person who likes to cook.
I have a small storage unit in the parking garage of our building filled to the brim with banker’s boxes of paper files,
and miscellaneous stuff from previous homes that I’ve not yet been able to let go. I have a dozen totes stored in a friend’s basement which I need to go through and find a new home with me or someone else, or send it to the dump.
During each previous move, it’s been an opportunity for me to purge, to review my material footprint and make decisions on what to hold onto and what to let go. It’s truly a metaphor for life. This coming June, marks the ninth anniversary since I moved into my current home. I’ve accumulated more stuff than what I’ve let go. I’ve reached critical mass. Something needs to change. I’m overwhelmed. See links to Moving Stories at the end of this essay under Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
My bedroom closet is full to the brim, I can’t fit one more hangar with clothes. The floor is full of shoes and plastic storage totes. The upper shelf holds suitcases and travel bags, rugs, and towels, a portfolio with work samples from my printing sales, publishing, and public relations career. The coat closet has jackets, coats, overflow clothes that don’t fit in the bedroom closet, more luggage, a step stool, tote bags, cleaning supplies, vacuum, cooler, and garbage and recyclable containers. It’s maxed out!
The kitchen counter can’t hold another appliance. I have just enough room for food prep, coffeemaker, my new 6-in-1 Wonder Oven, and the accessible treats that my family always had displayed growing up. There was always fruit, chocolate, cookies, donuts, or other bakery on the countertop for easy access. Oh, My!
Things Change
Tiny Home Dream
First, the motivation for downsizing and decluttering was I had reached critical mass. Next, was the tiny home or accessory dwelling unit (ADU) dream in collaboration with my sister Tami and her husband, Ron. They were looking at rural property for the next chapter of their life since they had launched their kids and wanted to have more land and access to nature to pursue their outdoor passions. They invited me to join them if we could make it work.
Tami and Ron needed to make some decisions first about timing before we’d meet to talk about our individual and shared dreams. In the meantime, I began researching tiny home designs and builders, watched the series, Tiny Home Nation, crafted budgets on what I could afford, considered how many square feet I believed I could live in, what kind of features were my must-haves, and made lists of the essential materials things I would keep. The latter required significant downsizing to rightsize for a tiny home.
Tiny Home Dream
I’ve never owned a home, and from childhood on, always dreamed that one day I would design a home for myself. As a young teen, I wanted to be an architect and my hobby was drawing floor plans and elevations; I read Architectural Digest at the library, and took advantage of the access in my hometown of Racine, Wisconsin to the work of Frank Lloyd Wright.
Tami, Ron, and I never had our blue-sky meeting to discuss our joint dream. Instead, as often happens in life, things change. While they were researching property on their own, working with their realtor to get a better idea of what they could afford and where in Dane County they could find their dream property, sadly, for all of us, they learned that it was too expensive in Dane County, and would look at property further outside of Madison.
For me, that became a dealbreaker for a couple of reasons. I realized at 75, I wanted/needed to be close to excellent healthcare which I’ve established here in Madison. As I’ve aged, I don’t enjoy driving alone for long distances, especially in the winter. Lastly, the most important factors were, I needed to be close to my chosen family and friends, and the progressive political community I need to thrive. A walkable neighborhood is more important than a rural life, where I feared, I might become too isolated as a single person. I still desired access to culture, art, the Farmer’s Market and the new Public Market, restaurants, museums, galleries, movie theaters and music venues. My roots, history, and chosen home are in Madison, which feeds my spirit.
While I was processing plans on my own, my sister Tami and Ron unexpectedly found their dream home, a cabin on a lake not too far from Madison. They found the property they could afford, and yesterday announced it on social media. Thay bought a cottage on Lake Sinissippi. They’ll be living on Strange Rd in Iron Ridge, WI. Tami and Ron posted photos with their announcement. Tami requested that, “I don’t tell her story,” until she announced it.
Tami & Ron purchase their new lake home on Strange Rd. Yes, we’re related!
I’ve known for a while and I’m happy for them. They can kayak right out their door, Ron can fish whenever he wants and weather permits, and they’ll host their signature outdoor firepit gatherings with family and friends. I finally have family with a lake house! Grateful.
Studio Apartment, or Stay Put
One of my objectives in pursuing the tiny home dream was to reduce my monthly housing costs. I inherited a modest nest egg from my parents when our father died. Originally, I would use the nest egg to finance the tiny home, and then retire.
I continue to work half-time and I’m committed to the work I do as a LGBTQ+ AODA & Harm Reduction Advocate for an LGBTQ+ Community Center, yet, I want to dedicate more time to writing and to work less. I began working, babysitting for my family and others at the age of 11, had my first job at 16, working at my aunt and uncle’s diner, and have worked continuously ever since, totaling 59 years if you don’t count five years of babysitting. Oh, My!
Another option is to find a more affordable apartment, which might require downsizing to a studio apartment, hopefully one with more storage than my current apartment. A walk-in closet would be a bonus, and some kind of additional storage unit.
What I soon discovered in my research in Madison, is that rents are still not affordable. Older rental property typically doesn’t offer large closets or ample storage, covered parking, in-unit washer and dryer, and some of the things on my must-have list. The apartment where I currently live meets many of the criteria on my list. I have a small storage unit and a parking space in the basement garage, I live in a walkable neighborhood with a vibe that matches my needs. Maybe I’ll stay put.
Whatever final decision I make will still require purging and decluttering. It’s time to stop procrastinating and get to work…
Elder Cohousing at Voit Farm
As I’ve learned and grown to accept these past few years, things change. A cohousing friend from the past reached out to me as he began to explore the possibility of an affordable, eco-friendly cohousing community for LGBTQ+ elders and others at a new development in Madison committed to affordable housing, public outdoor spaces, in one of the last undeveloped green spaces in the city on the eastside of Madison, Voit Farm.
Voit Farm
A few years ago, I served on a board to create an intentional, diverse, cohousing community that originally would be built at Union Corners. In the end, it became Linden Cohousing on Winnebago Street. At that time, I wasn’t able to afford a unit, though the cohousing concept continues to be a cooperative living model I support wholeheartedly and am committed to making it happen again!
I’ve been invited to participate in another visualizing stage. It’s too early to report anything, since we haven’t met as group in-person beyond emails and gathering information.
See the links at the end of this essay about my cohousing journey in the past and the exciting possibilities at Voit Farm.
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
Whatever lies ahead for me, I first need to deal with the material possessions and ephemera I’ve collected in the past and make tough decisions. I need to ask myself what still has value that I need to hold onto, and what am I able to let go?
For today, that means sorting through paper and take to an upcoming shredding event. I need to find homes, maybe temporary, for the stuff I haven’t put away yet that reminds me, every time I walk into my bedroom, that I’ve run out of room for material things. I need to donate clothing I don’t wear anymore so I have room in the closet. I need to simplify my life. I need to rightsize!
Toady, I’ll read the book I received as a gift, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. Tomorrow, I dream. I may be on the move again!
“The question of what you want to own is also the question of how you want to live your life.” —Marie Kondo
Related Reading from Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!
Self-Care During Uncertain Times
Procrastination Station: Dysfunction Junction:
Within These Walls: Moving Stories
Additional Reading on the Topic
Inspirational Quotes on Decluttering
A Vision for Voit: 1,500 homes and green space on Madison’s east side
Lori, thank you for sharing your lived-experience story. The material things we keep as our legacy tell a story too about what we value and what gives meaning to our lives. I hope you can find an affordable home for the third chapter of your life. Thank you for your encouragement.
I can so relate to your article. I’ve gradually downsized my clutter from a messy 2 bedroom to 1 bdrm to efficiency to cluttered van. I kept asking myself, if my home caught on fire & I only had time to save 10 things, what would they be? My treasure chest containing my mom’s ashes, her diary, her mom’s diary, my other grandma’s metal jello mold from the 50s, my dad’s gravel siamese cat picture he designed & made in the 60s during one of his trips through rehab, memento box containing photos & art by my daughter & grandkids, box of books autographed by authors I’ve met, my degrees, car keys, & slingbag containing cash, cards & IDs.
I’ve been living in my van for over half a year, learning how to safely live independently until I can afford a studio apartment. I too, for many of the same reasons as you, need to stay in Madison for my mental health management & interests.
I hope someday you can find your next desired home. Good luck with the downsizing. Thanks for the idea about looking for an accessory dwelling unit (ADU).
LaureQ