Tag Archives: Family

Memories Are Made of This: Grief & Gratitude

“Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us.” — Oscar Wilde

“Sometimes it only takes one song to bring back a thousand memories.” — Unknown

It’s in fact a song that inspired the title of this essay and reminiscence. I don’t consider it a favorite in my playlist, however, the title captures the spirit of this blog post. It was a popular song about nostalgia. It’s been performed by country western singers like Jim Reeves, The Everly Brothers, and Johnny Cash, and covered by crooners like Dean Martin and Bing Crosby.  Full disclosure, for me, it’s the title that captures the essence of the song’s meaning. Our lived experiences create our memories.  Continue reading

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Confessions of a Blogger: Conversations with Myself

“My blog musings are conversations with myself to which you’re invited to listen.”  — Mixed Metaphors, Oh My!

I’ve lived alone now for almost a dozen years. It changes a person, or in the very least, it changed me. As someone with a history of codependency, I’ve been other or outward-oriented. In the past, I often looked outside of myself to gauge how I was feeling or what I was thinking. Gratefully, recovery and therapy put the focus back on me. Now I ask, “What am I feeling? What are my thoughts?”

The tradeoff is at home — and sometimes in my office at work or in public — I talk to myself out loud. When I first started living alone and talking aloud, I worried about this behavior. I soon reminded myself of a couple of characteristics that I possess, I’m an auditory person, and for the most part, socially extroverted, though the longer I’ve lived alone, the more introverted I’ve become. I now consider myself an ambivert. Continue reading

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70 Is NOT the New 60, It’s 70!

(Or, the Third Act before the curtain closes)

 “There’s a moment when people know — whatever their skills are at denial — that they have passed from what they can delude themselves into thinking is middle age to something that you could call the third act.”Nora Ephron

“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” David Bowie

First, let me say at the outset that I’m grateful that I’m above ground and not dust in the wind. When I was nearing my 65th birthday five years ago, I found this factoid reassuring. If one lives to the age of 65, they have an 80% chance to live twenty more years to 85 years old. Hallelujah! Continue reading

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Comfort Food: Winter Blues, Holidays, & Weight Gain

“Food is a lot of people’s therapy when we say comfort food, we really mean that. It’s releasing dopamine and serotonin in your brain that makes you feel good.” — Brett Hoebel

“Comfort food is the food that makes us feel good — satisfied, calm, cared for and carefree. It’s food that fills us up both mentally and physically. Finding comfort in food is a basic human experience.” — Ellie Krieger

Last night, I turned the clocks back an hour. This morning the sun rose earlier and tonight it will set sooner. Daylight Savings Time is over and regardless of your views on its merits — or not — for me it’s the onset of Living the Mole Life, a season characterized by comfort foods, winter blues, the holidays, and weight gain. I isolate, sleep, and eat more than I do the rest of the year. I basically hibernate and retreat to my hideout. Continue reading

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Dispatch from the Hideout: Premature Hibernation

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.” ― Albert Camus

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” ― C.G. Jung

Though it’s not officially autumn yet, I feel the urge to go underground, to hibernate prematurely. Like caterpillars who cocoon in a chrysalis and emerge in a new form as a butterfly, it’s my desire to find a safe place to enable transformation.

The world seems like it’s becoming more threatening, whether it’s our natural world and the consequences of climate change, or our political environment and the actions and policies by those currently in power. On a personal level, things sometime happen to us — and for me — how I respond makes a difference in my emotional and spiritual health and serenity. While there are storms happening outside of me, there’s also turmoil and uncertainty stirring within. Continue reading

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Memorial Day: Memories, Flowers, & Gratitude

“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.” ― Gabriel García Márquez

Flowers have long been used to memorialize loved ones and symbolize new beginnings, which makes them an ideal tribute to observe Memorial Day.

This Memorial Day Holiday weekend I find myself looking back, remembering loved ones now departed, friends and family traditions that have changed, and loved ones who’ve moved away from Wisconsin. Many new beginnings start with good-byes and letting go.  Memorial Day is a holiday to remember those who served and died for our country — and for my family — to remember our family members who are no longer with us in life yet remain in memory. Grateful. Continue reading

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Celebrating 62 Psychedelic Years of Cindy Castro

What a Long Strange Trip It’s Been! In her tie-dyed t-shirts and sandals, with the ‘devil in her eyes’ looks and mischievous smile, Cindy was a singular free spirit, a strong-willed, and hard-headed survivor.”

For readers of this blog and my posts on social media, you’ve been following the journey of our sister Cindy Castro who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Terminal Cancer in March of 2018. She died on January 13, 2019, which ironically was my birthday, reminding me of two things. First, how grateful I am that Cindy was my sister, and second that I was lucky enough to live another year to celebrate the anniversary of my birth.  This date will forever be a reminder for me of beginnings and endings, the cycle of life. Continue reading

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Who Knows What Tomorrow May Bring?

“Yesterday is but today’s memory, and tomorrow is today’s dream.” — Khalil Gibran

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi

The flip side of the question that the title poses is “Who knows where the times goes?” As I age, time seems to slip by faster. An event that happened a month ago feels like it occurred last week. My to-do lists each day grow longer, as if I need to accomplish as much as I’m able to before time runs out. Dreams and plans for tomorrow are aspirational and possess greater value because they may elude me.  In the end, there is no guarantee for tomorrow.

There is only today and a lifetime of yesterdays.  Continue reading

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How I Became the Grinch This Christmas

Or Why I Refuse to Wear an Ugly Christmas Sweater   

This year my bio family is deviating from our Christmas holiday tradition and venue. We’ve spent Christmas at Dad’s house, our childhood home, the past few years since our brother Rick ended his Saturday before Christmas Lenzke Family Open House, which was a marathon undertaking of beverage drinking, food grazing, and gift unwrapping by four generations. Some family members stayed overnight for the “afterparty.” Like most families, we have family scattered around Wisconsin and in other states — in our case — Nevada, Colorado, Kentucky, and most recently, Texas. It’s become more of a challenge to celebrate the holiday together. Continue reading

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Hibernation & the Holidays: Retreat to the Hideout

Hibernation definition an extended period of remaining inactive or indoors

Hideout synonyms hiding place, hideaway, retreat, refuge, shelter, safe house, sanctuary, sanctum

First, I’m a creature of habit. I find comfort in my routines. There’s a rhythm to my days and nights. I read somewhere recently that we all experience some degree of OCD behavior. It’s certainly true for me. The gears of my Circadian clock are still trying to mesh with some synchronicity since the ending of Daylight Savings Time (DST) and turning the clocks one hour behind. Who knew that would make such an impact? They’re grinding a little right now as I try to slip back into a sleep cycle.  Continue reading

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